Who am I? I once thought I knew. I was so many things and quite frankly T1D was not one of them. On September 19th, 2017 my life changed. I did not realize though that I had the power in my hands to control how much that change was. I could let this diagnosis completely take over my life. Which I did. I lived, ate, breathed diabetes for six months. For six months I completely changed as a person and I hated the person I was becoming. I spent more time being sad than I did being happy. I wanted to quit everything because I thought it would make living with diabetes harder. Which it would. I just could not muster up the courage to fight through it. Everyday was a new mental and physical challenge. I had myself convinced from my diagnosis date that in six months it would be over with. Let’s just say six months came and that day has been the hardest so far. I knew deep down that in six months I would not be cured, but it seemed like a nice idea. On that day though I was told “just think of today as day one, forget the past six months and start living your life.” The next day the idea for this project came about. I knew God gave me diabetes for a purpose. I believe this is at least part of it. 

 

I am a daughter, a student, a golfer, a dancer and a photographer. I love reading and writing and I have a slight obsession with Pinterest. I love all things glitter and will never pass up a chance to go shopping. I am actively involved in my school and am an editor of my school yearbook. My dog is my best furry friend and you will rarely see me not behind of a lens. I am so many things. I am sarcastic and kind and I have had to learn to fit being diabetic into that. 

 

While I try my best to be a normal teenager, I’m not. I do so many things and yet there are somedays where I don’t want to muster up the strength to get out bed. I hear hurtful comments and endure conversations full of ignorance. I try to keep it hidden for reasons I don’t quite understand. Diabetes, while widely known, is immensely made fun of and people are very undereducated on not only the different types, but the way that a diabetic goes through each day. I inject myself 4-6 times a day through a pod, sometimes more, with insulin. Insulin, while some think is a cure is not even close. Insulin just keeps me alive. While I do wear a constant glucose monitor and an Omnipod, I still have to prick my fingers a minimum of 4-6 times a day. My fingers are scarred. I have bruises all over my arms and my stomach. My life is surrounded by numbers. My blood sugar, a1c, carb counts and insulin ratios set up the math equation that is my life. 

 

I once thought I was weak. Now that I think about it, I’m not. Some days this has been a complete living hell and yet I still stand. While no, I may not want to get out of bed in the morning, I do. I get up, I brush my hair, make sure I look presentable and put a smile on my face. I give myself my injections and do site changes on my own. I was the girl who was a teenager and still cried during her flu shot every year. Now I am giving MYSELF insulin injections every day. I gave myself my first shot the night of my diagnosis which was huge for me. I sucked it up and used every ounce of courage, bravery and strength I had to give myself my first of several thousand of injections. I knew once the first was given it would never end. I am strong. I am brave. I am intelligent. I may be sarcastic and oh so stubborn, but I am also a kind and helpful person. I strive to put my all in everything I do no matter how mad it may drive me. Never again will I think I am weak when I know I show so much strength every day.

 

While somedays I want to quit, I have found those who will always be there to push me towards the finish line. I have a chronic illness, that could very well last for the rest of my life. I live with the constant fear of diabetes. My health may be 100% diabetes, but I am not, because at the end of the day “I Define Me”.